I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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