Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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