I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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