my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
