apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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