Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
