upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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