If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
