shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
