i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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