Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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