I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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