So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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