did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize