then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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