so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
