We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
