yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
