Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
