i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
