SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
