My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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