i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
