she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
