We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
