You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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