I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
