The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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