ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize