if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
