I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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