I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
