its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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