What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
