Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
