...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
