So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
