she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
