Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
