"it" just moved
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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