I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize