Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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