who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
