He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
