Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize