Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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