last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she told me i tasted like america
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
