Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
