Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
