i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
