He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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