There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you inspire me to be a worse person
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
