i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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