she was so not down for the gang bang
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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