nut hugger
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
