Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
