A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he thought i was a dude.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
