Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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