is your mom at the bar?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
