I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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