so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
