I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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