very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
pray to the hookup gods
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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