Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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