I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
