Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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