; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
