I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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